Awkward..

So, I decided a long time ago that my life was pretty much composed of awkward moments. Okay, not the whole thing... but quite a large, substantial part of it (: Haha.

I'm in the mood to say something quite bold, something that will just knock you off your feet and get a huge reaction. Alas, I don't quite know what to say.

What's the most shocking thing about me?

Hm...

I really dislike ground beef. That's not too shocking though. The texture is just sick. Childhood memories of gagging down a hamburger patty...blegh.

But that's quite a depressing subject, so I'll change it.

How about this?

I have never kissed a boy.

That's right.

Never.

Shocking, right?

Totally, completely crazy!

18 years old, a freshman in college, and I have never had that experience.
Yeah.
Now, hopefully you are recovering from your moment of complete surprise
Take some deep breaths, get up from the floor, and listen up, because I'll explain a bit

It's not that I haven't dated alot, or gotten really close to a guy before.

 I have just never been... physically close.

I'm not quite sure why.

In middle school there were quite a few guys who I think would have gone for it
in fact, they did try a few times.
one guy, a random stranger I met that night, even tried to smooch me 10 times in one night.
Not even exaggerating, it may have been more.
oh, stake dances... but that's a story for another day.
 anyways, I waited to start dating until I was 16.

Then, when that coveted, long awaited day came, there were no young men I was interested in.

Honest, cross my heart, pinky promise

After that, the guys I got close to just never went for it.
Not sure why there, either. I heard that going for it can be kind of scary & intimidating.
Especially when you really like someone.
 But that's just a thought.

So... yeah. Now I'm dating around, all that fun jazz

and this quote from Captain America (I know - I'm a TOTAL cheeseball)

pretty much sums up how I feel on this subject

Steve Rogers: I know this neighborhood. I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner.
Peggy Carter: Did you have something against running away?
Steve Rogers: You start running they'll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can't say no forever, right?
Peggy Carter: I know a little of what that's like. To have every door shut in your face.
Steve Rogers: I guess I just don't why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful...a woman. An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but...
Peggy Carter: You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?
Steve Rogers: This is the longers conversation I've had with one. Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on.
Peggy Carter: You must have danced?
Steve Rogers: Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few year just didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait.
Peggy Carter: For what?
Steve Rogers: Right partner.

Yep. Believe it or not, dear world that I live in, I am waiting for the right partner

When it feels right, and it means something

more then having fun, or a one night stand, or a one week fling
or just kissing someone to get that first kiss over with

I know eventually that partner is going to come around sometime,

when the time is right

and it'll happen

and it'll be wonderful (:

and I know it's going to be worth it (:

Blushing & Beautiful Moments of this Week

-Going to the temple way early in the morning, end up waiting an hour to do baptisms, so getting to help fold towels with the temple workers :)

- Ugly Sweater Party!! Wearing my Dad's ugly sweater...

- Finding out I have to work on Thanksgiving :( Just the morning & early afternoon... but bummer! Grateful I have a job though!

- Giving a talk today in sacrament meeting.. on gratitude & Thanksgiving. I started listening to Cmas music 2 weeks ago. This was Heavenly Father's way of reminding me I need to remember Thanksgiving. haha

-when telling the parable of the 10 lepers, in my talk, instead of saying lepers, I was so nervous I said leopards. Haha! Totally started laughing. It was super, duper embarrassing (:
- embarassing myself again, in church, of course.. Guys are silly sometimes...

-Service tomorrow and NO class!! Yay!

-Going to The Nutcracker in December!! Woohoo!!
- lovely friends & awesome conversations
- begin studying for finals. Eek!

and that's all for now, folks!

Top Ten Thursdays!

Wonderful Things About Life

1. Acing a test you studied really hard for (or, better yet, one you didn't study hard for)

Hard work really does pay off!

2. Coming to truly realize & understand & hit me in the face that as long as you do your part,

 things will always work out.

3. CHRISTMAS!! Enough said (:

4. Awesome people who make me laugh (:

5. Chilly weather. I know, crazy, but my heart has grown fonder toward it

6. General Conference Talks, that feel like they were meant straight for you.

7. Music. Christmas music, piano music, oldies music, patriotic music...

8. Getting to spend time with my family

9. Homemade caramel w/ cinnamon & nutmeg added. Incredible. Mouthwatering succulence.
10. Being outside! (Having a forest in your backyard helps :)

I'm Sorry

I just had the most humbling experience.

This past Sunday was the stake activities meeting after church.I had told everyone to plan on me not being there, as my family was taking a trip to Williamsburg & we were planning on being gone all day Sunday. Everything was set in place - John was going to be in charge, emails were sent to the people supposed to come, and I had sent all the information that needed to be covered. Everything was all worked out.

So a couple days earlier, I think on Friday, I found out that my parents decided to come home early. I would be home all day Sunday. I thought great! Then I thought about how dumb I would feel showing up at a meeting with such late notice, with all the preparation that had gone on for my absence- John leading, already giving him all the info, already telling everyone how I wouldn't be able to make it.

So, I decided not to go. I felt slightly bad about it, and it kept bothering me. But my fear of embarassment, and I don't know what else, got the best of me. My desire to balance? My desire for a free afternoon to nap, read scriptures, relax with family? So I went to the King George branch that morning and watched the primary program, and stayed home until 5, when I left for the regional YSA activity meeting.

I felt kind of sick about it, but figured it would all be handled, and it would be alright.

Well, yesterday and today I've been struggling... actually probably the last week or two. With my whole attitude. Just not feeling close to the Spirit... having a really hard time praying, and not feeling anything. So today I got sick of feeling this way, and decided to force myself to study the scriptures and think about what I could be doing wrong.

So I read a bit from the Old Testament, and then decided to read some of D&C, and then read some of the Conference talks.

I was skimming through the Ensign when an excerpt caught my eye. I ended up reading "Preparation in the Priesthood: I Need Your Help". Sounds like a random talk, right?

What a humbling, hurting wake up call

What is that scripture, that the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center?

In the talk, Pres. Eyring says to not worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord's help, you can become. His counsel focuses on hard work, and pushing through fatigue and fear that might make you think of quitting. It was very inspiring, and held a lot of counsel that really applies to my life at this time. Then I read this experience he gave.

"President Spencer W. Kimball... had given years of service while enduring a series of health challenges only Job would understand. He was chairing the meeting that morning.

Suddenly, he stopped speaking. He slumped in his chair. His eyes closed. His head fell on his chest. I was seated near him. Elder Holland was next to us. The two of us rose to help him. Inexperienced as we were in emergencies, we decided to carry him, still seated in his chair, to his nearby office.

He became our teacher in that moment of extremity. With one of us lifting each side of his chair, we went out of the meeting room into the hallway of the Church Administration Building. He half opened his eyes, still dazed, and said: "Oh, please be careful. Don't hurt your backs." As we got near his office door, he said "Oh, I feel terrible that I interupted the meeting." Minutes after we got him into his office, still not knowing what his problems were, he looked up at us and said "Don't you think you ought to go back to the meeting?"

We left and hurried back, knowing somehow our being there must matter to the Lord.

Ouch.

This story struck my heart. Tears came to my eyes as I realized what my problem has been this entire week.

The humility and goodness of Elder Eyring's example made me feel so ashamed of my attitute. What an example of Christlike behaviour Pres. Kimball was to have such concern for others and for the Lord's work.

I felt absolutely sick about my attitude and behaviour after reading that. I immediately prayed to my Father in Heaven for apology and forgiveness. Even after, I still feel sick about how I've been, how my attitude has been. We are all called to the work, to be the best we can be.

I think I will continue to feel sick until I make action to make it better, and prove I will change my ways.

I am so, so sorry for not being willing to sacrifice. I'm so sorry for letting a stupid fear of embarassment and what others would think of me get in the way of what the Lord has called me to do.

I promise I will never let it happen again. Not ever. I swear it. I am completely dedicated to the Lord's work, to serving Christ, to doing what He asks me to do. Obviously, I am far from the perfect servant. But I never, ever want to feel like that again. To feel like I disappointed my Heavenly Father, and my Saviour, who has done so much for me. I never want to feel like that again. I am so sorry.

I know this is a really long post, and usually I don't post super personal things up.

I know this doesn't seem like a big dramatic thing, but it meant and means a great deal to me.

But I thought maybe this experience could help someone, and I thought it was important that I share it.

I know that when I feel far from our Saviour, from the Spirit, it's not His moving away from me, it's my moving away from Him. He would never leave me. It's my choices & my actions that lead to that.

 I will never, ever let something come between that closeness with God.

If I feel that distance, I am going to find out what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it immediately

I know it will be worth it

I know that's where true happiness and peace lies

and that is my experience for today. I will never forget it.

Life is just so busy. All the hustle and bustle, worrying and making sure you do all these little things, just to find when your done with those little things a million more little things to do have suddenly appeared. It is so, so busy. Somehow, though, it all manages to work out. And sometimes, in between those hectic busy body moments, you find yourself in a moment that just takes your breathe away. Whether it's a stunning sunset, or being caught in swirling leaves when your driving your car, or talking to someone who is very kind, or reading a particular verse in the scriptures that reminds you that everything is going to be okay. It's times like that I feel just completely at peace, even when everything else is complete, utter chaos. Life truly is a lovely blessing (:

It's the little things that count.

photo by Nika Fadul, on flickr.com

Williamsburg

This weekend my family and I spent the day at historic Williamsburg - it would usually cost our family about 250$ to go because of ticket prices, but we got in for free because of Veteran's Day weekend, and veterans & their families were free (: It was SO fun! You all know I'm a history lover, so it was basically just a blissful day for me. We visited where Thomas Jefferson studied law, where governors appointed by the king lived, ect. It was such a fun day. I learned a ton, and got some awesome things - another book about Thomas Jefferson & a really cute folk art Christmas scene print of Williamsburg I'm going to frame (: Ate some delicious food, handmade dark chocolate, saw lots of awesome costumes & historical reproductions...What an awesome weekend! So glad I could go with my family too!

The Governor's Palace!

George Washington (:

The Governor's bed... gorgeous!

Awesome blacksmith

Cute brothers!

Handrail, original to the home - where Thomas Jefferson studied law (:

mr. adorable

awesome kid!

pouty

a floating head. Pete climbed into this, used as punishment way back when, and didn't want to get out (:

cute brothers (:

The Capitol

Embarassing! I'm sending this to my architecture professor for extra credit (: Haha

playing the harpsichord. it sounded so cool!

a painter painting downtown. gorgeous!

the leaves are incredible! look how their reflected in the windows

Day 6 - A Stranger

In honor of Veteran's Day, I'm going to dedicate this post as a thank you

 to strangers who have some of my most utmost gratitute

veterans of past wars

the founding fathers

 members of the USA Armed Forces

 in the past and present.

People, most whose names I know not

 whose faces I wouldn't recognize

 who sacrificed their time, their health, their lives, for the cause of freedom

so that they, and their families, and their country

so that you and I

could enjoy the freedom and rights of life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness

to worship how we choose

to speak opinions freely, without fear

I am so grateful for them

These are strangers I will forever hold dear in my heart

I hope we can remember and keep these men and women in our thoughts and prayers

to take time to appreciate what they have done for us

Thank you Veterans!

God Bless America

“Oh posterity, you will never know how much it cost us to preserve your freedom. I hope that you will make a good use of it. If you do not, I shall repent in heaven that I ever took half the pains, to preserve it.”
-John Adams

Toothless? Tyrannical? Tropical?

Haha! So I totally want to start top 10 Thursdays, but I wanted a super unique fun name (: So I looked up t adjectives... and here are some things that came up!

Toothless

Tyrannical

Tropical

Theivish

Taunting

Triumphant

Thrilling

Turquoise

 Seeing as I'm not toothless (aw darn.. haha just kidding) I don't think that would work. Tyrannical? Me? Yeah! Just kidding! No! Tropical, maybe, except it's November and I want it to be Christmas. The closest was probably turquoise, because I love that color. So, obviously, that attempt was an obvious fail. Anyways,
I'm going to start doing top 10 Thursdays because I think their really fun.

 This one is the top 10 places I would love to go in my life!

*not necessarily in order I would like to see them. Just as they come to mind (:

1. Sweden/Norway... Scandinavian countries

 

This one's a bit obvious considering my family's background. My Daddy is a total Swede, my Mom Norwegian, and we have strong family connections here. So many ancestors and things. My Dad goes out every year, and my Mom goes quite frequently too (every other year the past few years). I would just love to see where my ancestors came from, which means kind of where I came from, and the place my family loves so dearly! Plus it's supposed to be stunningly beautiful. I want to see down South by the coast, then up North in the wilderness where you can see the Northern Lights.

2. London, country of England

 

london6.jpg

You +1'd this publicly. Undo

studylanguages.org

This city just seems incredible. So much history! I would love to go to all the museums, parks, ect.

3. Rome, Italy and ancient monuments in Greece

I've been learning about Rome in my History of Western Art class, and have LOVED it. Wow. I mean, these people designed some of the most incredible buildings and sculptures I have ever seen. Their proportions and the techniques they used are incredible! Their government, politics, the way they lived, their society growth then decline.. it is so fascinating. I would love to go see where it all happened and what they built.

4. Jerusalem

Jerusalem.Where the Saviour walked, lived, and taught.. and where many things happened in the Old and New Testament. I would definitely love to see this. It's also a city filled with so much rich history, and many different cultures consider this place the most sacred in the world. It's been a place of conflict for so long. I just think it would be incredible to go here.

5. France

I would love to see Paris. That one is terribly romantic, obviously. I would also love to see the art. I also want to go to Normandy Beach. I think it would be very powerful. I am very grateful for the soldiers who served and sacrificed then for freedom, and continue to serve and sacrifice today.

6. Germany

I would love to see the castles, and the landscape. I would also like to see the museums in Berlin, where alot of ancient works ended up, because of German excavators that took goods back home. I would also like to see the WWII history, concerning the Holocaust and what happened. I think it would be a powerful experience.

7. Russia

My aunt came here to teach english to children for a few years, and she told me lots of stories about the experiences she had and people she met. Ever since then, I've felt a very strong connection to Russia! I don't know why. They have a very tragic past, and it seems like a place filled with so much emotion. I would just love to go there.

8. Australia

This place seems so COOL! I love the accents! The freaky animals, incredible beaches, beautiful landscape... yes, this would be amazing. I would also love to go see New Zealand while I'm out there (someday!) Just very neat!

9.Hawaii/Yellowstone/Alaska

I know it's random to combine these, but their my "most wanted to go to" places in the USA, and the world is a rather large place - there's so many other things I want to put on this list! So I took the priviledge of combining these. It would just be really neat (: Go to the beach in Hawaii, visit and camp? in Yellowstone, go fishing in Alaska, see a Broadway in NYC, go to North and South Carolina...
I would also like to go to Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. Yes, these are all on my list to go. Absolutely.

10. South America

I would love to see the Mayan Ruins. I think they have them in many different countries, honestly I don't know that much about South America. But I would love to go (: Especially to see the ruins of the ancient cities! So cool!

My Dreams

My greatest dream is to be married in the temple, and have an eternal family. I would like to be a stay at home mom, and have lots of kids. I would like to be the type of mom that my children will learn and be inspired from my example. I want them to grow to be close to the Lord. I would like to know alot about the arts, and would like to be able to use my talents in some meaningful way. I would love to be a missionary. I would love to live next to my siblings and friends and be able to watch them grow and their families grow. I would love to own horses, and would love to live in a cozy home where we experience all 4 seasons of the year (lots of snow, I'm in the Christmas mood right now, & maybe not so hot summers). I would love to marry a man who is strong in character and in the gospel, who makes me laugh, and who I could completely trust with anything. I would like to marry someone who makes me feel safe and cherished. I would like to marry someone who I can talk to about anything. I am looking to marry my best friend. I would love to have a huge garden, with corn and watermelon and tomatoes. I would love to be able to have lots of people over at my house, and continue making friends and serving people throughout my life. I would like to be able to do alot of family history work. I would like to go to Sweden and Europe, where my ancestors came from. I would love to go on a mission, if it's right! I have lots and lots more dreams. But these are probably the most major ones (:

This is probably going to be me, because I'm really short (: Haha





Day 5: The Sibling (s)

Whitney

Dexter

Katharine

Isaac

Hannah

Jacob

Adam

Peter

yes, that is me and all my siblings, in chronoligical order.

Crazy, huh?

I love them to death!

Dexter is a total wise guy. Totally hilarious,and way cool! Now he's super buff because he does MMA. He is soo funny. We used to get in the worst fights, but now he's one of my best friends. I guess that's how it works with siblings sometimes (: He always makes me laugh. We are kind of polar opposites in some ways, and super similiar in others, so it's just fun when we hang out haha. I love this kid! and am protective of who he dates, so watch out girls! He's a cutie, I know, but yeah.

Dexter

Katharine is the person I tell everything to. We have the funniest moments! Haha. She's very witty, and we're both have really... weird senses of humor. So it's great (: She's definitely one of my best friends. I miss her a ton right now. She's a total cutie as well. I love our deep talks and taking hundreds of pictures, especially at 1 in the morning! Or in our awesome photoshoots, haha.

Katharine

Isaac is so witty. He is the smartest kid - he loves science, fishing, geology, animals - he's pretty much your next Indiana Jones. He has the funniest comments, and always makes fun of me. Always. Without fail. He's a total middle school boy right now, but has traces of the man he's going to be I think. His personality is so great (: and he's such a good kid, as much teasing as he does. I love fishing with him. and I TOTALLY beat his fishing record. So ha (: haha. love you Isaac!

Isaac

Hannah is the sweetest girl ever. She is so kind and patient to all her siblings, even when were being crazy and obnoxious and rude (sometimes). She is the one who stays nice through pretty much everything (unless you push a rare button. Then watch out). She is such a beautiful girl, inside and out. She loves to write, and is so good at it. That is definitely a lovely talent she has. She has a typewriter up in her room she goes and chatters words away on. She's even working on a novel right now. She is so smart, and so sweet, and so patient. And has a very strong personality! She says when she means, haha. I love this girl.

Hannah

Jacob is wacky! He is always making the craziest faces, and the craziest comments! Like sometimes he says something and you are just astounded, wondering where the heck that thought came from. Haha. He is such a good kid though. He is so funny, but can be really sweet. He sometimes does really sweet things, like just giving random hugs with this great big smile on his face, and is just a really great kid. He's also really good at baseball, and fishing, and video games!





Adam is one huge personality in a teeny, weeny body. Haha! He has one of the strongest personalities I think I have ever seen in a kid his size! He is constantly on the move, and is so smart. When he talks, sometimes I forget how young he is because of the things he says and the way he speaks. But then he says something weird or makes a crazy face and I remember again. He's such a cutie. I love just watching him play baseball and do things. He plays outfield? and 3rd base? and sometimes he gets bored standing out there, so he starts looking around and talking to himself to entertain himself. It is hilarious. He has the funniest expressions, and is also such a sweet kid. I love jumping on the trampoline with him. What a cutie (:

Adam

Peter is a total doll. He is a very somber child, unless he thinks something is funny, then he has this great, warm, loud, cute laugh. His whole face just lights up. He's wonderfully kind of a ham - he can tell when people are paying more attention to him, and he either hides or soaks it up. Haha. His eyelashes are so long that when he closes his eyes, they lay on his cheek. It's the sweetest scene I've ever seen when he's asleep! I love jumping on the trampoline also with him. He just started kindergarten this year - my first year of college! - so it's weird to see 2 such completely different stages of life, 2 great beginnings. I love this kid so much.

Peter

And that is all of them, for now. Daddy & Mom have been trying to kids for a while, and someday more will be added to our family. So I'll be the oldest of 9?...10?...12? Haha! Weird! But I'll be so happy for them when that day comes. And.. that's the siblings. With all our different personalities and traits, I know they are all such awesome, special kids. Their just so good. I'm excited to see what they go out and do in their lives (:

and this picture just made me laugh haha (:

Day 3: The Parents

My parents are incredible. How else do I say it? Seriously. Their like, some of my best friends, and the people I always go to for advice and help. They always know exactly how to help me! I love them so much, and am so grateful for them!

Some of my favorite things about Daddy are how hilarious he is, and how wise he is. He is such a great example for me, in so many ways. Somehow he always seems to know exactly what I need to hear when I'm struggling to solve problems, and he always gives me the most awesome advice, but lets me know I need to be the one that makes the decision. He is such an awesome man. And he is so funny. So stinkin' hilarious! I want to marry someone with his character someday - and someone as funny (: . He's one of the people I look up to the most.

Mom is one of my best friends. I love how she instantly just loved us kids, and we loved her from the very start. She is such an awesome example for me, and I couldn't begin to say how much she has helped me as well - from comforting me when I'm crying (usually accompanied with the can't speak, snot running down, ect) to laughing until we can't breathe to just talking about life and all the crazy things that come with it. She has taught me so much.

I love and miss them soo much.

Mommy has always been one of my best friends, also. I remember ever since I was little her teaching me so much about art, and letting me paint and draw and write to my heart's desire. We have had some awesome times together - thrift shopping, having crazy adventures, talking, laughing, and everything. She's a great example to me in how strong her testimony is. I also love how much she loves the Constitution and history. She's always inspired me with her passion for the things she does. She is also ALWAYS so happy to help me with anything - i.e. art projects. Haha. I love talking to her! I'm so grateful for the support she gives me

I love how Dad is such a strong support for our family. I know we'll always be protected when he's around. I love his example in how much he loves spending time with the kids, and how he has been able to give us so many incredible experiences. These things have taught and shaped me alot, into the person I am today. We've been able to see so many places and learn so many things because of this guy. He also has a very wacky sense of humor! And I love that he gives me Navy air fresheners, and I always feel cool when he wears his uniform around (: I'm so grateful for the example he has given us to serving our country, and being a great Dad to his kids.